The Wheel

When we were little, it was taught that there were 2 inventions in the history of mankind that are the absolute base of all civilisation – the Fire (which is merely a discovery in the first place) and the Wheel. The former, is ubiquitous for all purposes in most industries. The latter, I would like to focus upon.

You think the wheel is round, rotates on an axis and moves along with every revolution thanks to friction, right? Wrong. That is the only type of wheel *you* know. There is one other type. This type of wheel does not have any physical shape. It has no physical laws either. It is never called the “wheel” but rather affixed with a number which is of the form (2n+1), n=1,2,3,…

Most people would have no clue what I’m talking about. Let’s get that out of the way before I start ranting. Have you ever heard of the Third Wheel? Or the Fifth Wheel? Or the Seventh Wheel? No? Then, let me explain. A third wheel is a guy/girl who tags along with a couple. A fifth wheel tags along with 2 couples. So on and so forth.

I have been every single value of n up and until 5. How do I feel? Like a tub of lard.

I have been open about my absolute loathing of moving around with couples. They take it lightly. I couldn’t care less. But somehow, I end up being a wheel (which shall henceforth be a reference to any 2n+1 wheel) to one or more couples. There are many advantages to being single. This is not one of them. Not by a long shot.

I know men and women are supposed to be inherently attracted to each other. I’m not saying I’m above all that. Hell, I’d be lying through my teeth if I did. I just prefer not being committed. I have no animosity against couples either. I know quite a few people who are actually a perfect match for each other. But that is besides the point.

Committed people think they have a license to be free about their commitment in front of others. I believe they have every right to be. But there are certain areas where they cross the line between being friendly and couple-like to getting downright indecent in front of friends. I found this out the hard way.

For the last 2 years, there has been this flurry of relationships cropping up all over my batch. Again, to be clear, I’m not against it. Unfortunately, most of these guys and girls are my own friends. When I moved around with them in the past, I blissfully ignored any signs (even the most obvious ones) of flirtation, attraction etc etc. When they became couples, I still ignored most of it. I have, although, reached my breaking point. So, I will directly address any of my committed friends who read this (for reasons of ease of pronoun usage, I think first person is a bit easier to use than third person).

I know you guys like each other. You know you guys like each other. For some reason, you want the whole world to know that you like each other. I can understand holding hands and all that. But talking absolute lewd bullshit when your mutual friend is sitting right in front of you? Come on. Give the guy a break. I don’t want to know what you want to do to each other. Keep that load of absolutely crappy imagery inside your own stupid head. I have enough to deal with in a normal life.

I am not avoiding conversation. I really do like my Android phone. I am not texting some secret girl (as you always love to think, for some reason) but rather updating myself with world news through this decentralized set of data banks or servers which the world colloquially calls the Internet. Also, I use it as my only worthy distraction when the two of you are hitting at each other with lines of such increasing intensity, it would make some busy beaver numbers ashamed of themselves. I like zoning out around both of you. Remember, I am not there by choice but rather, by circumstance or by force.

Please get it into your collective hive consciousness (assuming the existence of such a thing since individuality in your subset of human interactions seems to be rather minimal) that I am single by choice. Respect me for it and stop asking me to get committed. Who the hell are you? My mom? Hell, even my mom will start forcing marriage upon me only after a decade or so. No, I have no idea if I can “pick up” a girl or not. I don’t even know what the hell that physically means.

Stop asking me to interact with you. I loathe being in that situation in the first place. I am there because I could not avoid it. I would really love to be left alone to my iPod or my phone or both. No, I cannot let you play the game I’m playing. As you do not seem to have noticed, I’m trying really hard to distract myself and I want to succeed in that particular venture more than anything in life up until that point.

Guys, one last thing. When I came here 3 years ago, I was a loner. So were most of you. Each of us kept to ourselves. We became friends over the course of 3 years having shared living space for the majority of that time. The next time you walk out to take a phone call when we are playing a game or passing time in each other’s company, think about it. I have cut calls from my mother when I’m playing with you people. I’m not being emo on this issue. I’m just pissed that you either initiate or join a conversation where we are passing time and simply walk out to talk hours on end with your significant other. Sometimes, I’m physically pulled out of my room to play something or talk about something. Yes, I can still live without constant human interaction but getting cut off when I’m really starting to enjoy the conversation or game … That *really* pisses me off.

Why did I blow steam today and here? I dunno why today but I ranted here because there is very little chance any of my batch mates will see this. If you do guys, seriously, think a little before you go all cuddly in public the next time.

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